Thursday, August 7, 2014

A Properly Religious Opening





We're a blog unless you find yourself saying "They're a blog."
*Then* we AREN'T a blog.


Ok.

We're a band sometimes but not enough to say that we are ONLY a band. Besides-we mostly just make noise/drone/ambient experimental music so that we could make t-shirts that everyone would wear. That's not entirely true...but we do love t-shirts.

We're a social media thing. Whatever the fuck that means. We would just as soon throw our phones into the fire and start over with old composition books and copy machines. Having a blog is cheaper and it reaches a wider audience-most of the time.

You know what? We still like the compact disc. There. We said it.
What is so great about vinyl? Sure it possesses a better sound quality & it gives it's owner instant hipster credentials but do we care about that? We most certainly do not. Although that isn't entirely true because we actually do care a little bit about everything. Furthermore we find it sad that the whole hipster thing was hijacked and hacked apart by self-hating hipsters & soda pushing corporate rock sponsors.

Here's something: Women in fedoras carry an unspeakable sadness that cannot be completely masked or forgotten. This means that you can trust a woman in a fedora but only in the morning when the crust is in her eyes, the coffee is brewing and the saints start to whisper.

Too weirdly poetic? Reaching? Looking for attention?

Remember what David Mamet wrote and Anthony Hopkins said in that movie about killing a bear: "Never feel sorry for a man that owns a plane."
We don't and we won't.


We are a brand. Just like any other brand. Every thing is a fucking brand anymore. This is both good and bad and we wouldn't presume to have nearly enough knowledge or wit about us to "tear down those walls"
It's the fucking Internet. It's fucking 2014. You turn it on and it turns you on.


We write about stuff we like: Music. Art. Fashion. Sex. Food.
Mostly about music because I guess we like music best...or too much writing about sex is gauche.

We can all agree that we collectively have dreams about our teeth falling out.

If by some stone's throw chance in hell we ever get really popular and suddenly valuable - we promise to sell this blog to the first business that offers us at least 300k.
So-up front-you know our lowest "selling out" point. You know right from the beginning that we have a price. We assume you have a price also. Would you clean the toilets in a laxative testing facility four days a week for 5 million a year?
Yeah...so would we.


So...

No matter how many beautiful words we can string together---in the end we would rather be laying on a beach & sipping umbrella drinks.
Or, at the very least getting paid actual money and the amount we feel we're truly worth.
Wouldn't you?

Don't take advice from a blog is our first advice.

Our second piece of advice goes:

Don't start a band. Make a film.
Don't make music. Music is for the culturally vapid & weak.
Film is for the brave & brash.
Music isn't anywhere near pure anymore. It's rotten to it's bloated core. Watch the corporate interests scramble to repackage it & polish a turd. It's a waste!!!!
Rock & roll is dead and good riddance!

Our third and final piece of advice which will stick with you all your life is simple and comes straight from the soulful echo burned into our brain from Otis Redding's beautiful baritone... Try a little tenderness

Because...

Everything that is loved & everything that will be truly loved will eventually see an end. Nothing lasts. Every dream is destined for that fixed & forever sleep.

How's that for an existential crisis?

True Love is Ugly.
See ya soon.

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